From Your Mushy CEO
When I first began this journey, I wasn’t thinking about trauma, or nervous system work, or parts of self. I just knew I wanted to feel better.
I was tired of reacting the way I was.
Tired of the patterns I couldn’t seem to change.
Tired of the weight I carried in my chest.
The tightness in my stomach.
The thoughts I couldn’t quiet.
The emotions I couldn’t explain.
I didn’t have the perfect language for it.
But looking back now, I know:
I was searching for peace.
What I didn’t realize then was that all of those responses—the anxious energy I lived in, the overreactions, the emotional reactivity—weren’t random. They were coming from a brilliantly designed nervous system that had been shaped by years of survival.
My system wasn’t broken. It was doing exactly what it thought it needed to do to keep me safe.
Here’s the thing:
It doesn’t matter how many positive affirmations you say or how much you logically know something is okay—if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, it will keep pulling you back into old reactions and protective patterns.
What I thought was a journey of “feeling better” turned out to be a deep, slow, sacred process of meeting the parts of me that were still living in a past version of my life—and inviting them into the present.
The Inner Protector
For most of my life, I lived with high anxiety. But I didn’t know that’s what it was.
I thought being hyper-alert, hyper-aware, and over-responsible was just me being “on it.”
Turns out, I was operating from a nervous system that didn’t feel safe.
And inside that system? Were parts of me that had taken on the role of protector.
They tried to protect me from:
- Rejection
- Abandonment
- Shame
- Uncertainty
They did their job really well.
But as I grew, those protections became patterns that no longer served me.
What Is Parts Work?
Parts work is a somatic and psychological approach that helps us connect with different “parts” of ourselves—the ones that hold fear, sadness, joy, protection, pain, wisdom.
That sick-to-your-stomach feeling? It might be a part bracing for rejection.
That overreaction to a text? A part trying to guard against abandonment.
That shutdown in a tough conversation? A part stepping in to help you disappear before you get hurt.
Parts work invites us to listen to these parts, honor them, and help them shift.
Not by force. But through understanding.
We begin to say:
“Thank you for protecting me. You don’t have to do that anymore.”
And then we give them a new job.
My Story: Rejection & Repatterning
Rejection has been one of the biggest themes in my life.
For years, I would feel physically sick over something as simple as a text message.
The kind of sick that made no logical sense.
A pit in my stomach. Racing thoughts. Imagining worst-case scenarios.
And through parts work, I began to understand: it wasn’t this text I was afraid of.
It was a younger part of me still carrying the wound of being forgotten, left out, or not chosen.
That part had been trying to protect me for decades.
And when I could finally meet her—thank her—love her… everything softened.
Tools That Helped Me Heal
There are two tools that have helped me tremendously:
Not as an escape. But as a way to help regulate my nervous system and access deeper understanding.
These supplements have helped me:
- Slow down enough to hear what my parts were saying
- Create space between reaction and response
- Feel my emotions without getting hijacked by them
- Align my body with the truth: I am safe now
San Pedro helped me stay grounded and heart-connected—able to witness and hold space for my inner parts.
Mushrooms helped me create new pathways—mentally, emotionally, neurologically. They’ve softened my patterns and supported me in choosing differently.
Together, they’ve helped me remember what peace actually feels like.
If You’re Curious About This Work…
Here are some beautiful places to begin:
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Start with Richard Schwartz’s work
- Somatic Experiencing – Learn how trauma and memory live in the body
- Polyvagal Theory – Understand how your nervous system reacts to safety/danger
- Supplements – San pedro and mushroom microdosing protocols are beautiful supports
This isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about finally seeing yourself.
Meeting the parts of you that learned to survive… and helping them thrive.
So if you’ve been feeling:
- Like your reactions don’t match the moment
- Like your emotions run the show
- Like you’re stuck in patterns that aren’t who you truly are…
You’re not broken.
You’re remembering.
And you’re allowed to do it one part at a time.
XOOX –
Your Mushy CEO
